Tag Archives: music

Samahan ng mga Hopeful

15 Sep

Isang gabi habang tinutupi ko yung magugulong damit sa cabinet ko, bigla kong naalala ko yung crush ko na wala namang gusto sakin. Di ko alam kung bakit kasi di naman nya regalo ung shirt na tinutupi ko. Ah, ang gusto mo bang malaman eh kung bakit wala shang gusto sakin? Malay ko.

Anyway, bigla ko din naisip ung ibang tao na naiisip din yung mga crush nila na wala din namang gusto sa kanila.  Ini-imagine ko na kinakausap ko sila telepathically.  You know, mental chat.  Kukumustahin ko lang sila, tatanungin kung pano nila kinakaya na yung mga gusto nila e di naman napapalingon sa kanila.  Or even worse, openly na may gustong iba.

I could imagine an animated exchange of frustrations, secrets, but more importantly, moral support:

Me         : Sumasaya ka naman na nakikita sha diba?
Other : Shempre, pero sana napapansin din naman nya ko as more than a friend.
Me        : At least nakakausap mo sha every now and then.  Maybe that’s all there is to it.  Ok lang yan, malay mo, somewhere out there, there’s someone who feels the same way about YOU!

And so the chikahan goes on and on and eventually be joined in by several other people.

Nakakatuwang isipin na para kayong miyembro ng isang club.  This smorgasbord of individuals na pare-parehong sawi sa pag-ibig. Samahan ng mga umaasa, pinapaasa, at mga hopeful na sana’y dadating din ang araw na mapapansin sila ng mga mahal nila.

Ito’y isang club na walang age requirement o age limit.  Kahit gaano kang kabata o kahit sinusundo ka na ni kamatayan pero umaasa pa rin, active, bonafide club member ka pa rin!

Isang club na walang geographic boundaries.  Kahit nasaang bansa, probinsya, siyudad, village, building o kwarto ka man, pwede maging member.

Isang club na hindi ka sigurado kung sino talaga ang miyembro.  Membership is open to anyone.  Walang discrimination, anti-selection o bias.  Basta you find yourself in the same situation – yung one-way love, with you doing the loving, welcome ka.

broken heart red cartoon pictures, backgrounds and images

Kilala ko for sure ung isang miyembro ng club na to:  yung teenage cousin ko.  How do I know? E kasi naman, panay ang post nya sa facebook ng mga status na obviously pertaining to his love for this certain girl.   Ang temano, undecided pa ata yung girl.  Otherwise, ‘in a relationship’ na siguro ang status nila.

Ang hindi alam ng pinsan ko, member din ako ng club na to.  Pero hindi ako nag-popost sa facebook ng mga cheesy messages.   Hello? Sa edad kong to?  Mahiya naman ako no!  I won’t resort to such a medium para i-express ang aking frustration and angst,  personal as they are.  Ibo-blog ko na lang para may konting pseudo-intellectual discussion.

Minsan naiisip ko ung mga kaibigan ko who have gone to the next level at nag-asawa na, and I wonder if they truly are convinced they married the person they would want to spend forever with.  Ang lagi kong dasal is, oo, sana nga.

Nakakalungkot pag nakakarinig ako ng mga kwento ng mga naghihiwalay.  Call me an idealist, pero nananiwala kasi ako na you marry someone who may not be perfect (after all, no one is) but someone you believe you can grow old with.  Kahit sinong tao, nagbabago – ng hilig, paniniwala, pananaw sa buhay.  Pero I’d like to think that you marry the person you believe can you can change with and s/he can understand the changes that will be happening to you too.

Oo, ilang beses na kong na-heartbroken.  Pero hindi ko hinayaang maging bitter o magalit sa mundo dahil ng mga ito.  Instead, I’d like to think that these will be the events I will remember when I’m old and gray.  Kung gaano ko nalampasan yun sakit, and still emerge a beautiful person.  Scarred but wiser.

Naiisip ko ulit ang unknown clubmates ko.   Mga taong nakakasalubong ko sa araw-araw.  Siguro club member yung janitor sa floor ko, yung kapitbahay ko, yung nasa kabilang table sa restaurant kanina, and for all I know, ikaw na nagbabasa nito.  Mga taong nakakahalubilo ko, pero walang pahiwatig ng paghihirap na kanilang pinagdadaanan.  Katulad ko nga sila.  Mga nagpapatuloy sa kanilang buhay-buhay and kinakaya ang pinagdadaanan while keeping their little secret buried deep inside, inspiring and frustrating them at the same time.  Sabi nga nila, “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Super music lover ako at naniniwala akong there is a song that can encompass almost every human emotion.  And since madami kaming club members sa mundo, madami ring mga awit at tugtugin tungkol sa hoping and mga hopeful.  Mga likha nila.  Alam ko madami, pero ang pumasok sa isip ko ngayon e I Can’t Make You Love Me ni Bonnie Rait:

‘Cause I can’t make you love me If you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I’ll feel the power
But you won’t, no you won’t
And I can’t make you love me if you don’t

Anubayun. Mejo baduy naman.  Mamaya, sana may maisip akong mas recent.

The more yearning I hear in the voice, in the lyrics, parang gusto ko lalo itanong, “since when ka pa club member?” Pero tingnan nyo, they were able to come up with something beautiful from the heartache.  Kaya ko rin un.  Baka nga lang hindi kanta.  Drawing na lang siguro.  O article kaya?

Walang dahilan para magpaka-depress at malungkot dahil hindi ka mahal ng gusto mo.  Isipin mo na lang na siguro, there’s something else (not necessarily someone else) out there for you.  Pwede din naman na sabi ni God, magiging mas masaya ka being single.  It’s a fallacy  to think that a relationship will always be an improvement over the single life.

I may not be blessed with romantic love pero I’m certain mahal ako ni God.   Nararamdaman ko yun araw-araw because of the love from family and friends.   O diba, ang swerte ko? Minsan nga iniisip ko, baka naman subconsciously, ayaw kong lisanin ang pagiging single.   Hassle-free kaya. Di mo kelangan magpaalam kung aalis ka, walang mgababawal, di ka gagastos for gifts, and I have my friends naman to confide to.  Pero parang iba pa rin having someone at alam mong extra special ka sa taong yun.    Thing is, pano mo ba malalaman kung sha na nga ba?  I recall  a conversation I had with a friend:

Him: Kelan ka last naki-pag blind date?
Me    : Tagal na.  Last year pa.
Him: Ako nung Saturday lang
Me    : Good for you! How was it?
Him: Walang romance e
Me    : (mejo natigilan)  Ganun? Kelangan ba un? (on a first date?)
Him: Oo naman!  Kung wala, e di sana kahit sino na lang maging girlfriend-boyfriend.  Kung ganon, di kahit tayo na lang naging boyfriend-girlfriend.

Ok, na-get ko yung point nya. And I shared his view…ten years earlier siguro.  Kaso, habang tumanda ako, the more I realize na love may not necessarily come with thunder, lightning, a song, or chirping birds.  Things that romance or love at first sight are normally associated with.  Sabi nga ni Bo Sanchez, romantic love is highly overrated.  Madaming false expectations.  I should know, kasi dumaan na din ako dun.  Ngayon, mas gusto ko na I end up with someone who was first a friend, and a lover later. More than the thunder and song, I’d rather have someone na marunong makinig and umintindi.


Then again, I’m realistic enough to know that there may not be anyone.  Alam nyo ba na ang ratio ng guys to girls is 1:4?  Assuming na yung isang lalaki na yun will remain faithful to that one girl, may three girls na magiging single na lang.   Malay ko, isa ko dun.

Oh well, dumating man sha o hindi, dito lang ako kasama ng mga fellow club mates ko – squeezing every bit of happiness we can out of life and reveling in all its experiences. Join me? 🙂

Photo

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Closing time and new beginnings

4 Aug

I came across this image from the site of my friend Leslie’s sister, Terri and remembered it after a particularly difficult conversation with someone.   Made me think – a lot.  I asked myself if giving up is the best thing to do, and I know the answer’s an affirmative.  Thing is, can I?

Then suddenly, enlightenment.  And the words of an old song suddenly seemed so appropriate.  To quote Madonna: 

I’ve always been in love with you
I guess you’ve always known it’s true
You took my love for granted, why oh why?
This show is over, say goodbye.

Hmm, a tad too cheesy, actually.  I think I prefer Semisonic’s:
Closing time, every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

The great thing is, I know I can turn my back on this nonsense.   Watch me  🙂

Spongebob’s song

2 Aug

Was listening to the radio the other night when the 80’s song Hip to be Square by Huey Lewis started playing. I suddenly thought of Spongebob singing.  How appropriate is THAT?  🙂

(Image source)

Wait for Me

16 May

The other day, I once again heard Rebecca St. James’ song Wait for Me. The first time I heard this song was sometime in 2006 when Sepie gave me a CD by St. James containing this song, and a book of the same title. I fell in love with the song’s message of waiting and praying for that one person, who the singer hopes to meet someday.

Listening to it, one can’t help but feel hopeful and excited for the time when you do meet/ recognize that one person meant for you. I’ve had my fair share of admirers and I have to admit that I’ve met some pretty awesome guys in the past. Thing was, I was emotionally immature then and did not want to commit no matter how many people told me I already had a great thing right in front of me. Stubborn was my middle name (and to a certain degree, still is).

 Nowadays, there is greater pressure especially from family members, to find someone and marry. “There’s no old maid in our family!” (yeah well, there’s always a first). Thankfully, they haven’t pestered me mercilessly about it. I know they mean well, but falling in love is something you just cannot force no matter how much you want to.  Well, you can actually, but sometimes the results are disastrous.

 I believe falling in love happens involuntarily, which could be either be immediate or happen over a long period of time. However, it’s committing to someone that is a voluntary, conscious decision well within one’s control. You can choose NOT to commit to someone you do love and you can also choose to commit to someone you DO NOT LOVE at all for your own reasons, unfortunate though that may sound.

 I can sincerely say I am happy being single and my life is a testament to how good the single life can be. I’d sometimes tell myself sometimes that it’s better to be single than to wish you were.  (Off-topic: Btw, there’s no harm in investing in a good retirement plan this early).  However, there is still that thought of finding someone to be with forever – happily. (I’m still gonna need a good retirement plan, regardless).  If that person doesn’t come, I’m still fortunate to have a large pool of friends who are able to say yes to an invitation for dinner, a trip, or just some good conversation at the drop of a hat.

One of the close circle of friends I regularly get together with consists of about seven people. And I was surprised to realize one day that ALL of us were single.  We were taking Singles for Christ (the organization where I met most of them) way too literally 🙂  Plus I have several friends from high school, college, and work who are still unattached. I mean, these are smart, interesting, funny, God-fearing, beautiful men and women that I’m talking about (I’m not being biased) and it baffles me why no one has been lucky enough to nab them. I’m not saying we can’t be happy the way we are, because we are. I just think some people out there would be VERY fortunate if they ended up with any of these fantastic people I know (to my friends in happy, fulfilling relationships, I hope your respective partners don’t let go of the great thing that they have). 

I could simply be rationalizing, or maybe I’m enlightened, when I say that maybe God just wants us to believe what Rebecca St. James is saying:  Wait. And live life as beautifully as you can, while you’re at it.
 
 

Darling, did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time

 And darling, did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

CHORUS:
‘Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
‘Cause I am waiting for, praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
 
Darling did you know
I dream about life together
Knowing it will be forever
I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine
 
And darling when I say
“Til death do us part”
I mean it with all of my heart
Now and always faithful to you
 
Now I know you may have made mistakes
But there’s forgiveness, and a second chance
So wait for me, darling wait for me
Wait for me
Darling wait for me