Tag Archives: dating

Samahan ng mga Hopeful

15 Sep

Isang gabi habang tinutupi ko yung magugulong damit sa cabinet ko, bigla kong naalala ko yung crush ko na wala namang gusto sakin. Di ko alam kung bakit kasi di naman nya regalo ung shirt na tinutupi ko. Ah, ang gusto mo bang malaman eh kung bakit wala shang gusto sakin? Malay ko.

Anyway, bigla ko din naisip ung ibang tao na naiisip din yung mga crush nila na wala din namang gusto sa kanila.  Ini-imagine ko na kinakausap ko sila telepathically.  You know, mental chat.  Kukumustahin ko lang sila, tatanungin kung pano nila kinakaya na yung mga gusto nila e di naman napapalingon sa kanila.  Or even worse, openly na may gustong iba.

I could imagine an animated exchange of frustrations, secrets, but more importantly, moral support:

Me         : Sumasaya ka naman na nakikita sha diba?
Other : Shempre, pero sana napapansin din naman nya ko as more than a friend.
Me        : At least nakakausap mo sha every now and then.  Maybe that’s all there is to it.  Ok lang yan, malay mo, somewhere out there, there’s someone who feels the same way about YOU!

And so the chikahan goes on and on and eventually be joined in by several other people.

Nakakatuwang isipin na para kayong miyembro ng isang club.  This smorgasbord of individuals na pare-parehong sawi sa pag-ibig. Samahan ng mga umaasa, pinapaasa, at mga hopeful na sana’y dadating din ang araw na mapapansin sila ng mga mahal nila.

Ito’y isang club na walang age requirement o age limit.  Kahit gaano kang kabata o kahit sinusundo ka na ni kamatayan pero umaasa pa rin, active, bonafide club member ka pa rin!

Isang club na walang geographic boundaries.  Kahit nasaang bansa, probinsya, siyudad, village, building o kwarto ka man, pwede maging member.

Isang club na hindi ka sigurado kung sino talaga ang miyembro.  Membership is open to anyone.  Walang discrimination, anti-selection o bias.  Basta you find yourself in the same situation – yung one-way love, with you doing the loving, welcome ka.

broken heart red cartoon pictures, backgrounds and images

Kilala ko for sure ung isang miyembro ng club na to:  yung teenage cousin ko.  How do I know? E kasi naman, panay ang post nya sa facebook ng mga status na obviously pertaining to his love for this certain girl.   Ang temano, undecided pa ata yung girl.  Otherwise, ‘in a relationship’ na siguro ang status nila.

Ang hindi alam ng pinsan ko, member din ako ng club na to.  Pero hindi ako nag-popost sa facebook ng mga cheesy messages.   Hello? Sa edad kong to?  Mahiya naman ako no!  I won’t resort to such a medium para i-express ang aking frustration and angst,  personal as they are.  Ibo-blog ko na lang para may konting pseudo-intellectual discussion.

Minsan naiisip ko ung mga kaibigan ko who have gone to the next level at nag-asawa na, and I wonder if they truly are convinced they married the person they would want to spend forever with.  Ang lagi kong dasal is, oo, sana nga.

Nakakalungkot pag nakakarinig ako ng mga kwento ng mga naghihiwalay.  Call me an idealist, pero nananiwala kasi ako na you marry someone who may not be perfect (after all, no one is) but someone you believe you can grow old with.  Kahit sinong tao, nagbabago – ng hilig, paniniwala, pananaw sa buhay.  Pero I’d like to think that you marry the person you believe can you can change with and s/he can understand the changes that will be happening to you too.

Oo, ilang beses na kong na-heartbroken.  Pero hindi ko hinayaang maging bitter o magalit sa mundo dahil ng mga ito.  Instead, I’d like to think that these will be the events I will remember when I’m old and gray.  Kung gaano ko nalampasan yun sakit, and still emerge a beautiful person.  Scarred but wiser.

Naiisip ko ulit ang unknown clubmates ko.   Mga taong nakakasalubong ko sa araw-araw.  Siguro club member yung janitor sa floor ko, yung kapitbahay ko, yung nasa kabilang table sa restaurant kanina, and for all I know, ikaw na nagbabasa nito.  Mga taong nakakahalubilo ko, pero walang pahiwatig ng paghihirap na kanilang pinagdadaanan.  Katulad ko nga sila.  Mga nagpapatuloy sa kanilang buhay-buhay and kinakaya ang pinagdadaanan while keeping their little secret buried deep inside, inspiring and frustrating them at the same time.  Sabi nga nila, “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Super music lover ako at naniniwala akong there is a song that can encompass almost every human emotion.  And since madami kaming club members sa mundo, madami ring mga awit at tugtugin tungkol sa hoping and mga hopeful.  Mga likha nila.  Alam ko madami, pero ang pumasok sa isip ko ngayon e I Can’t Make You Love Me ni Bonnie Rait:

‘Cause I can’t make you love me If you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I’ll feel the power
But you won’t, no you won’t
And I can’t make you love me if you don’t

Anubayun. Mejo baduy naman.  Mamaya, sana may maisip akong mas recent.

The more yearning I hear in the voice, in the lyrics, parang gusto ko lalo itanong, “since when ka pa club member?” Pero tingnan nyo, they were able to come up with something beautiful from the heartache.  Kaya ko rin un.  Baka nga lang hindi kanta.  Drawing na lang siguro.  O article kaya?

Walang dahilan para magpaka-depress at malungkot dahil hindi ka mahal ng gusto mo.  Isipin mo na lang na siguro, there’s something else (not necessarily someone else) out there for you.  Pwede din naman na sabi ni God, magiging mas masaya ka being single.  It’s a fallacy  to think that a relationship will always be an improvement over the single life.

I may not be blessed with romantic love pero I’m certain mahal ako ni God.   Nararamdaman ko yun araw-araw because of the love from family and friends.   O diba, ang swerte ko? Minsan nga iniisip ko, baka naman subconsciously, ayaw kong lisanin ang pagiging single.   Hassle-free kaya. Di mo kelangan magpaalam kung aalis ka, walang mgababawal, di ka gagastos for gifts, and I have my friends naman to confide to.  Pero parang iba pa rin having someone at alam mong extra special ka sa taong yun.    Thing is, pano mo ba malalaman kung sha na nga ba?  I recall  a conversation I had with a friend:

Him: Kelan ka last naki-pag blind date?
Me    : Tagal na.  Last year pa.
Him: Ako nung Saturday lang
Me    : Good for you! How was it?
Him: Walang romance e
Me    : (mejo natigilan)  Ganun? Kelangan ba un? (on a first date?)
Him: Oo naman!  Kung wala, e di sana kahit sino na lang maging girlfriend-boyfriend.  Kung ganon, di kahit tayo na lang naging boyfriend-girlfriend.

Ok, na-get ko yung point nya. And I shared his view…ten years earlier siguro.  Kaso, habang tumanda ako, the more I realize na love may not necessarily come with thunder, lightning, a song, or chirping birds.  Things that romance or love at first sight are normally associated with.  Sabi nga ni Bo Sanchez, romantic love is highly overrated.  Madaming false expectations.  I should know, kasi dumaan na din ako dun.  Ngayon, mas gusto ko na I end up with someone who was first a friend, and a lover later. More than the thunder and song, I’d rather have someone na marunong makinig and umintindi.


Then again, I’m realistic enough to know that there may not be anyone.  Alam nyo ba na ang ratio ng guys to girls is 1:4?  Assuming na yung isang lalaki na yun will remain faithful to that one girl, may three girls na magiging single na lang.   Malay ko, isa ko dun.

Oh well, dumating man sha o hindi, dito lang ako kasama ng mga fellow club mates ko – squeezing every bit of happiness we can out of life and reveling in all its experiences. Join me? 🙂

Photo

Caught in a bad romance

29 Jul

Someone asked me earlier why I’m still single.  Hmm, let me see.  I guess I’m one of the few many who never had much luck in the love department.  If my lovelife were a song, it would most likely be “Bad Romance”. 

I’ve had (more than) my fair share of losers, liars and badasses.  I’ve dated guys I wish, in hindsight, I didn’t.  But hey, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you a stronger person, right? Rrrrright.  But none of my bad dates really scarred me for life (well, one actually SCARED me).  Some were  just plain…unfortunate 🙂

Back in college, I went out with G.  He was the rugged, bad boy type who was always a lot of fun to be with – at least when there were other people around.  I didn’t think I was his type so I had absolutely no idea why he asked me out.   I have to admit I was actually pretty excited about it.  The thought that maybe someone DOES come along when you least expect it, crossed my mind that time.

So the date. Shortly after ordering, he launched into the sob (and eventually very annoying) story of his breakup with his last girlfriend. Duh.  Didn’t he know exes are a taboo topic especially on a first date???  He didn’t need a date.  He needed a counselor.

(Image source)

There was also my first blind date several years ago with when our mutual friend suddenly found it his life’s mission to match his single friends. 
 
A & I initially chatted online and spoke once on the phone before our date.  Now, I can’t remember much about that date, but I vaguely recall trying to lean away from him often since he kept on leaning far too close for comfort (feeling close much?) 

Thing was, since he knew my YM, he would chat with me everytime I went online (he seemed to be on it 24/7, btw).  It was because of him I learned how to make myself ‘invisible’ in YM.  We eventually stopped chatting – after all, I was never online, right?  😉

There was also J, a former officemate.  I had night school that time and he offered to accompany me to school.  I told him repeatedly there was no need to but still kept on insisting until I finally said, fine.   After all, there was the security of being with someone especially when you’ll be commuting.

We both didn’t have cars then and I said we can take an FX.  He said we should just take a cab since it was hard to get a ride otherwise.  I wasn’t keen on taking a cab since it could cost 5x as much and I was trying to save up for something then.  But hey, he insisted, so he’ll probably pay full or part…right?

So he gets us a cab.  When we were near school, he tells me he doesn’t have any money since he wasn’t able to withdraw before we left.  Excuse me??? You insist on accompanying me and taking a cab and don’t have money to pay for it???  Unbelievable!  I had no choice but to pay the fare.

So I go to class, think he will eventually withdraw money (to go home) and leave.  Suddenly, he texts in the middle of class to tell me he went someplace nearby to eat (I suppose he was able to withdraw money by then). 

Still, he met up with me after class just to say bye.  No, he didn’t even offer to pay me back for the cab nor ask if I was hungry and wanted to have dinner.   Then again, me paying for our dinner too is not a remote possibility. 

And finally, the most of unforgettable of all was E.  Met him through an acquaintance and initially struck me as the friendly sort.  A bit creepy but generally non-threatening, I supposed.  I went out with him once but  didn’t find myself particularly charmed.   He was nice and all, but we didn’t seem to have much in common. 

I will never forget the time I literally RAN AWAY from him.   We had another  another boring date (his birthday just passed and I didn’t have the heart to say no).  After we’ve said our goodbyes, he continued to follow, no – STALK me!  I felt him trailing me and saw him in the corner of my eye yet he wouldn’t come close enough to talk.  So, I wove in and out of crowds, hid behind walls and shop stalls trying to lose him.  I thought I did…until I heard hurried footsteps behind me and a tap on my shoulder.  It was HIM! Aaaargh!!! He said he didn’t want to separate yet.  WTF?!  He was thicker than a wall.

Still, he proved that if there’s a will, there IS a way (to follow me).  Scared the sh*t out of me too!  I eventually avoided all possible contact with him.  Yes, I too have the will and eventually found a way (to lose him). 

 These are just some that stand out.  Trust me, there have been worse, more heartbreaking incidents.  The types that scar you for life.   But I’d rather keep the drama out of this post.   The next time someone asks me why I’m still single, I’d probably direct them to this blog.