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Closing Cycles

15 Oct

Paolo Coelho is one of my favorite authors. This is something I’ve filed away and came across again. Wise words I think anyone can relate to 🙂

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CLOSING CYCLES
Paolo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have yet to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters…whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the memories of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end?

Have you gone to live abroad? Has a lifelong friendship ended?

You can spend a lifetime wondering why all this happened.

You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved – your parents, spouse, friends, children, siblings – everyone will be finishing chapters, turning new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and in the past at the same time. Not even when we try to understand the things that happened to us. What has passed will not return. We cannot forever be children, adolescents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has no intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important, however painful it may be, to destroy souvenirs, move, give things away, donate old belongings you have.

Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts- and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return. Do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss. That is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off in order to wait for that “ideal moment”.

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that What has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person.

Nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, But simply because that no longer fits your life.

Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.

Stop being who you were, and change into what you are.

Who is Your Isaac?

24 Jul

I looked through some old files and came across something I wrote back in 2009 which became relevant again, given some changes that will be coming soon.  In the face all this uncertainty, all I can hope for is that God’s hand to guide me in the right direction. Amen.

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Who is Your Isaac?

I met up with a friend recently and found out he’s been having some personal problems, particularly with a girl he’s in love with. He said he kept praying, trying to find the answer he sought until one time, he was absolutely CERTAIN of God’s message. He said God told him: 

 

isaac
She is your Isaac.

I swear, that statement left me momentarily speechless. He had already continued talking and I was still digesting that statement 🙂 Simple as it was, it meant so much if you knew the story of Isaac. Abraham, a faithful follower of God, had only one son. Isaac. At one point, God instructed him: “Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love so greatly, and…offer him for a burnt-offering to me.” And Abraham obeyed. He prepared all that was needed for a sacrifice and was just about to run a knife through his own son when an angel appeared, stopped him, and said “Now I know that you love God more than you love your only son, and that you are obedient to God…”

That Abraham could give up something so precious to him without question, as difficult as it was, showed his complete and unflinching trust in God. My friend’s faith is something I’ve always admired but he did say this particular message was not easy to take since he was being asked to give up someone he loved, and possibly might lose for good. But I told him if it’s something God wills, He WILL find a way to put her back in your life. He liked that 🙂

So Who (or What) is YOUR Isaac? Did you ever have to give up someone or something you desperately wanted to hold on to because you somehow felt it wasn’t the right person or thing for you at that time? Making the decision can be quite easy at times, really. It’s sticking to the decision that becomes challenging. That you relapse and gravitate again towards that thing, person or habit despite telling yourself you won’t is oh so common, ei? And this is when the strength of the will is tested.

I think one’s ability to let go despite the initial unwillingness depends greatly on the depth of our trust in God and the belief that He is preparing you for something better. He may take something or someone important to you now, but will give you something or someone even better in His own time. Isn’t that something we should all look forward to? 🙂

Below is something “angel girl” (she can see angels, seriously!) sent late last year. Not sure if it’s an original composition, but the message is beautiful, nonetheless.

Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more. The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being.

To let go of someone doesn’t mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his OWN happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but it is also setting yourself free from all fears, bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness rare away your strength and weaken your faith and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather let you grow with wisdom in bearing it. You may have found peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon become a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just friendship, or the feelings he or she might have for you is just too far from how you love that person in return. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don’t have to be bitter on love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love that doesn’t mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make it sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive, no past so bitter that love cannot accept, and no love so little that we cannot start all over with. When you lose someone and you think you were the one who loved more between the two of you… he lost more. For someday you can love someone the way that you loved him. But he will never be loved again the way that you did.

A beautiful, big dreamer

20 Jul

After more than a year, I BLOG AGAIN!  My, that was a long break.  

Am actually supposed to have a new writing project but could never get myself to start working on it, which just goes to show how different (lazier) I am from this super-workaholic-have-to-make-my-dreams-come-true-no-matter-what girl that I just saw on cable tonite.

Katy Perry.  

I’m not really a big fan.  I think she’s cute, makes catchy, fun music and definitely has a style all hers.  But after watching her movie “Katy Perry: Part of Me”, I can’t help but feel I want to be part of her.

The movie discussed her family, how she started becoming a musician and the uphill journey she had to get to where she is now, including finding love and (unfortunately) heartache along the way.

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Lesson #1: You cannot be a success through only your efforts. 

I loved how she was able to be a success and still keep her individuality intact.  That publicist who took her from Columbia Records to Capitol definitely helped Katy have the career she deserved.  Good job!

Lesson #2: Talent, talent, talent

She writes songs, she plays instruments, she sings, she dances, she designs.  With the right support (and she has), she REALLY can have a career as long as Madonna’s.

Lesson #3:  Family isn’t just biological

She has her biological family and I think it’s great how some of them with her and were with her on tour, like her sister Angela aka Kathy Beth Terry (how supportive is THAT??!).  Btw, Katy, I think your younger brother is cute!

But a lot of people who were with her when she was a success were already with her when she was just starting out, trying to make a name for herself.  I think having them around her through her journey helped a lot to keep her grounded.

Lesson #4: Don’t be afraid to be a peacock

Colorful. Expressive. Beautiful.  I became a Katy fan after watching the movie.  How she used her talent, her individuality to spread joy, fun and inspiration to people all over the world is admirable.  She wasn’t afraid to show people her colors. She was ADAMANT people saw who she was.  You gotta love her for that.

Falling

31 Mar

FALL is the operative term. Not walk, leap or glide but FALL.  It denotes plummeting from a height, landing with a thud, incurring welts and  bruises.  That’s why it’s called “Falling in love” – you wind up maimed or dead. 

– J. Zafra

I am the Empress

14 Mar

I was surfing the net (when I should’ve been studying) and came across someone’s blog post about what her tarot card was. That led me to this site.

Now I’m not very familiar with the tarot and its uses.  Some have negative things to say about it, but I’ve also heard otherwise.  Anyway, since I don’t have anything against it really (it’s amoral, imho), curiosity got the better of me.  I took the short quiz and this is what my tarot card was supposed to be:

You are the Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

I remember, in 2006, my friend invited two people to come by the office to have her fortune told. One was a numerologist and another was a tarot reader.  Since she didn’t want to go through the experience alone, she convinced me to go through it too.

I took whatever I was told with a grain of salt.  And the session didn’t reveal anything memorable, as far as I can remember.  But I do remember that in that reading, the center card which supposedly symbolizes me showed:  The Empress.  That was five years ago.  Should I be surprised with the consistency?

So I’m trying to start a gratitude journal…

16 Oct

Last month, a recent acquaintance, Debbie, told me she was able to get over her depression by starting a gratitude journal and meditating.  I’m not sure about meditating since I heard it’s not as easy as people think.  So I told her I’d probably give the gratitude journal a try.

I first heard this from Oprah years back and she even said she found out that most of the things she found herself grateful for was for the FOOD she’d eat 😀 (I agree!!!).   I can’t remember now if I got the ‘list at least five things you’re grateful for, for each day’ from Oprah or from Debbie…

Anyway, I initially intended to keep a gratitude journal for a month and see if it’s something I can actually stick to.  I also wanted to post it daily on this blog but wasn’t able to access the internet daily so I wrote it on my phone instead.  Thank God for mobile phones with Word application.   Hey, another thing to add to my gratitude journal!

And just to bore you push myself to complete what I started, I am posting my gratitude journal for the first 15 days of October:

Oct 15 Friday
Today, I thank God for…
1. a funny blog I just discovered: Mykoreanboyfriend.wordpress.com
2. having plans for the weekend
3. receiving confirmation for our flights and cash advance. Our trip’s a go!!!
4. Ma’s roast chicken for lunch
5. being picked up right at my bldg and not having to walk all the way to the parking lot. (Thanks Kaye!)

Oct 14 Thursday

Today, I thank God for…
1. Toxic Glee version on early morning radio. Yeah!
2. Delamar’s bday
3. light traffic on the way to work. Great start to a long day.
4. all Chile miners being rescued
5. a free massage

Oct 13 Wednesday
1. Sunshine!
2. Finally finishing my monitoring report
3. Easy morning ride
4. getting help fr Operations
5. Getting quick feedback on hotel inquiries
6. Finding out a J-pop song title & artist I’ve been loving. Okaeri by Ayaka.

 

I will see you next month...

 

Oct 12 Tuesday
Today, I thank God for…
1. finally sending out a working itinerary for our Vietnam-Cambodia trip. Yey!
2. siopao
3. peace and quiet in my solo-but-too-big-for-me ofc
4. Anytime by Yuna Ito
5. working at my own, unhurried pace

Oct 11 Monday
Today, I thank God for…
1. attending a mtg in my boss’s behalf and marveling at the intelligence of two company presidents
2. one big shawarma
3. catching up with Thryza
4. being told my service was borderline ecstatic. Alright!
5. quick nap upon getting home

Oct 10 Sunday
Today, I thank God for…
1. laaaaazy sunday. Recharge!!!
2. leftover of sepie’s pokipoki
3. good movies: Freaky friday (I never tire of watching this. Chad Michael Murray was such a cutie) and Up
4. healthy healthy dinner: a huge salad
5. early morning kulitan on FB
6. pinning cities I’ve been to on Tripadvisor. More to come! 🙂

 

love those eyes...

 

Oct 9 Saturday
Today, I thank God for…
1. ice cream and choco crinkles – ever a great combination
2. good movie: Facing the giants
3. a dinner and movie feast with good friends
4. meaningful sharing
5. having a good laugh

Oct 8 Friday
Today, I thank God for…
1. finally trying out Big Better Burgers Shitake Teriyaki Burger WINNER!!!and treating my driver
2. an attentive audience
3. seeing someone with smart, beautiful, brown eyes and a great smile
4. finishing earlier than expected
5. No Friday meeting

 

I finally got to play this

 

Oct 7 Thursday
Today, I thank God for…
1. Daryl and Gerard who made the graveyard shift more bearable
2. finally Playing plants vs Zombies…and being given a copy
3. having a jacket for the freezer, I mean, that cold, cold room
4. my driver Ernie
5. treating Jhoany before she leaves the company
6. Dad taking my car out of the garage. Awww.

Oct 6 Wednesday
Today, I thank God for…
1. being productive
2. a chatty cab driver who I learned a lot from in a span of 30 minutes
3. girl friends
4. being single and not having a psycho boyfriend who would behead me
5. finally conducting training for a new prod

Oct 5 Tuesday
Spent the day on sick leave so I didn’t think there was much to be thankful dor. Still, today I thank God for…
1. giving me a best friend who is celebrating her bday today
2. just feeling dizzy and nauseous. Hey, it could’ve been worse.
3. home made pizza and salad
4. enjoying a good laugh with ma
5. knowing my mom cares so, so much about my health
6. a dinner invite fr a friend (which I had to turn down though. am sick)

Oct 4 Monday
Today I thank God for…
1. a good nap on the way to work
2. productive meetings
3. mcdonald’s
4. catching up with a good friend on the way home
5. having a (more or less) final sked for my biz trips. (Can we finally set our flights???)
6. being recognized by an old MBA  classmate (SJ)
7. the fact that my parents are still (relatively) healthy

Oct 3 Sunday
Today, I thank God for…
1. waking up at noon and not leaving my room till 2pm
2. John Tucker Must Die on cable (not much on depth but hey, i found it entertaining…)
3. spicy Spanish sardines for dinner
4. entertaining ma with Xyrene’s charming video
5. finally starting my research for my November trip

 

So ours didn't look like this, but it was great still

 

Oct 2 Saturday
Today, I thank God for…
1. fast Internet access which allowed me to post pics on FB and Multiply
2. having friends to invite to watch a play in 3 weeks.
3. pizza and banana split (wattacombination!!!) with the Amansecs and Eilleen
4. Sisblog101, the new team blog is up! And my essay’s there! 🙂
5. hanging out with childhood friends and their cutie kids.

Oct 1 Friday
Today, I thank God for…
1. being skilled and smart enough to accomplish a lot at work.
2. the yummy spinach & mushroom pizza and ziti @ Sbarro’s
3. the free ride with Kaye and her mom
4. easily getting a ride this morning
5. telling Kaye about my ‘Angel’s breath’ moment in high school and laughing till we cried.

Samahan ng mga Hopeful

15 Sep

Isang gabi habang tinutupi ko yung magugulong damit sa cabinet ko, bigla kong naalala ko yung crush ko na wala namang gusto sakin. Di ko alam kung bakit kasi di naman nya regalo ung shirt na tinutupi ko. Ah, ang gusto mo bang malaman eh kung bakit wala shang gusto sakin? Malay ko.

Anyway, bigla ko din naisip ung ibang tao na naiisip din yung mga crush nila na wala din namang gusto sa kanila.  Ini-imagine ko na kinakausap ko sila telepathically.  You know, mental chat.  Kukumustahin ko lang sila, tatanungin kung pano nila kinakaya na yung mga gusto nila e di naman napapalingon sa kanila.  Or even worse, openly na may gustong iba.

I could imagine an animated exchange of frustrations, secrets, but more importantly, moral support:

Me         : Sumasaya ka naman na nakikita sha diba?
Other : Shempre, pero sana napapansin din naman nya ko as more than a friend.
Me        : At least nakakausap mo sha every now and then.  Maybe that’s all there is to it.  Ok lang yan, malay mo, somewhere out there, there’s someone who feels the same way about YOU!

And so the chikahan goes on and on and eventually be joined in by several other people.

Nakakatuwang isipin na para kayong miyembro ng isang club.  This smorgasbord of individuals na pare-parehong sawi sa pag-ibig. Samahan ng mga umaasa, pinapaasa, at mga hopeful na sana’y dadating din ang araw na mapapansin sila ng mga mahal nila.

Ito’y isang club na walang age requirement o age limit.  Kahit gaano kang kabata o kahit sinusundo ka na ni kamatayan pero umaasa pa rin, active, bonafide club member ka pa rin!

Isang club na walang geographic boundaries.  Kahit nasaang bansa, probinsya, siyudad, village, building o kwarto ka man, pwede maging member.

Isang club na hindi ka sigurado kung sino talaga ang miyembro.  Membership is open to anyone.  Walang discrimination, anti-selection o bias.  Basta you find yourself in the same situation – yung one-way love, with you doing the loving, welcome ka.

broken heart red cartoon pictures, backgrounds and images

Kilala ko for sure ung isang miyembro ng club na to:  yung teenage cousin ko.  How do I know? E kasi naman, panay ang post nya sa facebook ng mga status na obviously pertaining to his love for this certain girl.   Ang temano, undecided pa ata yung girl.  Otherwise, ‘in a relationship’ na siguro ang status nila.

Ang hindi alam ng pinsan ko, member din ako ng club na to.  Pero hindi ako nag-popost sa facebook ng mga cheesy messages.   Hello? Sa edad kong to?  Mahiya naman ako no!  I won’t resort to such a medium para i-express ang aking frustration and angst,  personal as they are.  Ibo-blog ko na lang para may konting pseudo-intellectual discussion.

Minsan naiisip ko ung mga kaibigan ko who have gone to the next level at nag-asawa na, and I wonder if they truly are convinced they married the person they would want to spend forever with.  Ang lagi kong dasal is, oo, sana nga.

Nakakalungkot pag nakakarinig ako ng mga kwento ng mga naghihiwalay.  Call me an idealist, pero nananiwala kasi ako na you marry someone who may not be perfect (after all, no one is) but someone you believe you can grow old with.  Kahit sinong tao, nagbabago – ng hilig, paniniwala, pananaw sa buhay.  Pero I’d like to think that you marry the person you believe can you can change with and s/he can understand the changes that will be happening to you too.

Oo, ilang beses na kong na-heartbroken.  Pero hindi ko hinayaang maging bitter o magalit sa mundo dahil ng mga ito.  Instead, I’d like to think that these will be the events I will remember when I’m old and gray.  Kung gaano ko nalampasan yun sakit, and still emerge a beautiful person.  Scarred but wiser.

Naiisip ko ulit ang unknown clubmates ko.   Mga taong nakakasalubong ko sa araw-araw.  Siguro club member yung janitor sa floor ko, yung kapitbahay ko, yung nasa kabilang table sa restaurant kanina, and for all I know, ikaw na nagbabasa nito.  Mga taong nakakahalubilo ko, pero walang pahiwatig ng paghihirap na kanilang pinagdadaanan.  Katulad ko nga sila.  Mga nagpapatuloy sa kanilang buhay-buhay and kinakaya ang pinagdadaanan while keeping their little secret buried deep inside, inspiring and frustrating them at the same time.  Sabi nga nila, “be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Super music lover ako at naniniwala akong there is a song that can encompass almost every human emotion.  And since madami kaming club members sa mundo, madami ring mga awit at tugtugin tungkol sa hoping and mga hopeful.  Mga likha nila.  Alam ko madami, pero ang pumasok sa isip ko ngayon e I Can’t Make You Love Me ni Bonnie Rait:

‘Cause I can’t make you love me If you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t
Here in the dark in these final hours
I will lay down my heart, and I’ll feel the power
But you won’t, no you won’t
And I can’t make you love me if you don’t

Anubayun. Mejo baduy naman.  Mamaya, sana may maisip akong mas recent.

The more yearning I hear in the voice, in the lyrics, parang gusto ko lalo itanong, “since when ka pa club member?” Pero tingnan nyo, they were able to come up with something beautiful from the heartache.  Kaya ko rin un.  Baka nga lang hindi kanta.  Drawing na lang siguro.  O article kaya?

Walang dahilan para magpaka-depress at malungkot dahil hindi ka mahal ng gusto mo.  Isipin mo na lang na siguro, there’s something else (not necessarily someone else) out there for you.  Pwede din naman na sabi ni God, magiging mas masaya ka being single.  It’s a fallacy  to think that a relationship will always be an improvement over the single life.

I may not be blessed with romantic love pero I’m certain mahal ako ni God.   Nararamdaman ko yun araw-araw because of the love from family and friends.   O diba, ang swerte ko? Minsan nga iniisip ko, baka naman subconsciously, ayaw kong lisanin ang pagiging single.   Hassle-free kaya. Di mo kelangan magpaalam kung aalis ka, walang mgababawal, di ka gagastos for gifts, and I have my friends naman to confide to.  Pero parang iba pa rin having someone at alam mong extra special ka sa taong yun.    Thing is, pano mo ba malalaman kung sha na nga ba?  I recall  a conversation I had with a friend:

Him: Kelan ka last naki-pag blind date?
Me    : Tagal na.  Last year pa.
Him: Ako nung Saturday lang
Me    : Good for you! How was it?
Him: Walang romance e
Me    : (mejo natigilan)  Ganun? Kelangan ba un? (on a first date?)
Him: Oo naman!  Kung wala, e di sana kahit sino na lang maging girlfriend-boyfriend.  Kung ganon, di kahit tayo na lang naging boyfriend-girlfriend.

Ok, na-get ko yung point nya. And I shared his view…ten years earlier siguro.  Kaso, habang tumanda ako, the more I realize na love may not necessarily come with thunder, lightning, a song, or chirping birds.  Things that romance or love at first sight are normally associated with.  Sabi nga ni Bo Sanchez, romantic love is highly overrated.  Madaming false expectations.  I should know, kasi dumaan na din ako dun.  Ngayon, mas gusto ko na I end up with someone who was first a friend, and a lover later. More than the thunder and song, I’d rather have someone na marunong makinig and umintindi.


Then again, I’m realistic enough to know that there may not be anyone.  Alam nyo ba na ang ratio ng guys to girls is 1:4?  Assuming na yung isang lalaki na yun will remain faithful to that one girl, may three girls na magiging single na lang.   Malay ko, isa ko dun.

Oh well, dumating man sha o hindi, dito lang ako kasama ng mga fellow club mates ko – squeezing every bit of happiness we can out of life and reveling in all its experiences. Join me? 🙂

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